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My Soul’s Journey - A Kundalini Awakening

Updated: Mar 7

A Kundalini Awakening is a powerful surge of energy that rises up from the base of the spine, along the spine towards the crown, through various Chakras (energy centers). This process is believed to lead to a higher state of consciousness and spiritual enlightenment.

 



Individuals who experience a Kundalini Awakening may report physical sensations, emotional and psychological shifts, and an overall transformation of their perception of reality.

 

When I close my eyes and re-live it, I can still recall it as if it were yesterday and the memory of how my Kundalini awakened remains vivid. I remember the feeling inside my body when everything began to shift. I physically felt different. The very first sign of change began with discomfort and stiffness in my joints and if I recall correctly, it lasted for weeks. Next, there was this supercharge of energy running through me. To honestly describe it, I’d have to say I could feel intense sexual energy running up and down my spine, starting from the base of my tailbone. I know it sounds crazy but I literally couldn’t control it. It pulsed through my veins and for a short time I felt more alive than I had ever felt before. It was an incredibly blissful feeling. It didn’t last too long though, maybe just a short month and a bit, but it certainly changed me. It was as if Pandora’s Box had opened and everything came pouring out. I was experiencing waves of emotions and they were becoming harder to control. At the time, I may have become slightly delusional and as some would say, I was acting reckless. I began to spiral out of control and slowly everything triggered me. The more I tried to run, the quicker I reached the edge and without warning, I had leaped into a lifetime of memories and everything came to the surface. Something in me had awakened and I knew then, there was no turning back. The rollercoaster ride began and as I slowly slipped into the darkness, I found myself entangled, re-living my entire life’s once forgotten about, story.


Assessing my upbringing, I started to recall events in the past and my life from the beginning or at least as far back as I could remember. One by one, I told story after story, trying to rid myself of the hurt and pain I was carrying, but I just couldn’t. The more I spoke the more words I found to say and without realizing it, I spun a web of sadness around me. I went in and out of my current reality and as I raked through my feelings and tried to process my suppressed emotions, I became more entrenched in sadness. Everything became very loud.


“The awakening of Kundalini brings enlightenment and self realization”

~Yogi Bhajan~


At the time I was forty something years old. Besides being a wife and a mother I was nothing exceptional. I was just an extension of my dysfunctional upbringing and I lived in the shadow of my husband’s success (to be clear, he's worked hard and I’m really proud of him). I didn’t have an identity of my own and had spent the last ten years of my life nurturing and cultivating the lives of the children that I brought into this world. You see, before I became a wife (for the second time) and a mother, I had already lived through a number of different lives. I took a crack at a number of jobs and a few careers but nothing ever stuck. I volunteered in several organizations and even tried joining the parent student council but still no luck. I’ve been prey to gas lighters and narcissists my entire life and I was tired. I had seen enough. Overall, my present life was pretty good and I had so much to be grateful for. In reality, I should have just been happy with where I was but I wasn’t. In my head, I was a glorified cleaning lady who dressed up on weekends and tried to fit in with big city life’s societal expectations. In essence, I was a non-smoker standing in the smoking section watching life pass me by and I hated it. So many thoughts raced through my head, so many questions, so much mental energy buzzing around. In the midst of all this madness the noise somehow lightened and I found myself asking the questions:


Who am I? Why am I here? What is my soul’s purpose?


I could somehow feel that there was a bigger plan for me but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. As I yearned for the answer, the need to know grew stronger and an incredibly heavy weight started to transpire in the pit of my stomach. I was so close to knowing but it wasn’t at all within reach. I could feel it deep down in my gut but I couldn’t see it. I began crying out of frustration and eventually exhausted myself trying to keep up. In time, I surrendered to the idea of not knowing, perhaps there was no real reason. Why were any of us here? I started asking again and I started questioning everything.


A Kundalini Awakening specifically refers to the awakening of the Kundalini energy, which is believed to be a dormant spiritual energy located at the base of the spine. The concept comes from certain Eastern spiritual traditions, particularly in Kundalini Yoga and Tantric traditions.


I can still recall when my senses heightened, particularly my sense of smell and sound. I became master of my nose and like a dog, could pickup the scent of everything near and far. Some smells triggered my memory while others just appeared allowing me to re-live moments in my head. My hearing became super sensitive, enough that my ears could hear the high-pitched noises and the frequencies buzzing inside the electrical sockets. This drove me insane; I was unplugging everything. The more sensitive I became the more I withdrew from life. My need for sleep increased, as did my anxiety. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions and trying to understand what was happening to me, that I eventually exhausted myself and fell asleep. It’s safe to say I slept through an entire winter and when I woke up it was spring. I wasn’t better though. Everything made me cry and I was still a mess.


I began to realize and acknowledge the trauma I had suffered throughout my life and came to understand how each of those experiences had shaped and molded me. I started to remember details of my past and how unhappy I was as a child and unfortunately, most of my adult life. I had never really thought of it in such depth until then but there it was. From a young age, I lived in fear and was always on empty. Alongside my sister, I was neglected and left without guidance, drowning in my own tears while crying myself to sleep at night. I often felt alone and misunderstood and I felt that I had no way out. I remembered all the hardships and all the heartbreaks I had been through and understood how broken I really was. I had a lot to process and I felt everything. Before I knew it, I slipped into the deepest and darkest depression of my life and there I sat for months. During this time, I experienced my soul’s darkest darkness, often referred to as ‘the dark night of the soul’.


Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher and author, describes the ‘dark night of the soul’ as "a period of intense inner crisis that precedes a significant shift in consciousness. It is a stage where an individual may experience a deep sense of inner turmoil, emotional pain, and a feeling of despair. This often arises when individuals are on the brink of a profound spiritual awakening or a shift in their perception of self and the world."


At that time, I didn’t know what was happening to me and I most certainly didn’t understand that I was going through the process of a Kundalini Awakening. This took place during the pandemic lock down of 2020 and continued over the course of the next 3 years.


Feeling helpless, I reached out to my doctor but somehow slipped through the cracks of the system and got left behind. Given the state of the world during the pandemic, I had no choice but to be patient. I realized I wasn’t dying but I wanted to. I really, really wanted to. I struggled with severe mood dysregulation and depression. I also screamed a lot those days. I couldn’t control the outbursts. Getting professional help posed to be an extremely difficult task and it took almost a year before anyone could even speak with me, and approximately another 8 months before I was able to get some ‘real’ therapy. When my turn came up, within 30 minutes I was quickly diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) and slapped with a label. A label I chose to cling to in order to make sense of my newly developed ‘mental illness’. For a while, things got really dark and I was feeling helpless. I felt like I was being judged by everyone and I could feel negative energy seeping towards me. It weighed me down, pushing me further away from life. I didn’t eat well those days. I gravitated towards cereal, baked potatoes and drank a lot of cocoa. I found comfort in these foods. At some point I went numb and that was probably the most difficult thing I had to endure. I cried so much that eventually I had no emotion left. I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t angry and nothing surprised me. I didn’t care about a thing. I was lifeless and felt completely dead inside. Like a zombie I walked through the halls of my home feeling nothing but exhaustion. Eventually, I gave up and went back to bed. I was so physically tired that I closed my eyes and once again surrendered to the numbness that became me. There I slept, but this time when I woke there was a shift and everything changed. I was finally ready to embrace a new way of thinking that would ultimately save me.


In some ways, I can say, I perked up just like a wilted flower does after finally getting a few sips of water. I knew I wasn't 100% but it didn’t matter. I was feeling better. I slowly began integrating myself back into society. The worst part of the storm had passed and I was getting ready to go back outside. I can’t remember why I started researching metaphysics and human spirituality but I did. It was as if a light turned on and the universe plopped a book in my lap and told me to read it. I was particularly drawn to Hindu and Yogic traditions and found peace in ancient Mantras and Sanskrit chants. I Googled and researched YouTube for anything helpful and thankfully Apple Music and Spotify had exactly what I was looking for. I started with guided hypnosis therapy for weeks until eventually I found something even better. I recited positive affirmations and tuned into healing frequencies, particularly those believed to assist with anxiety and fear, self-love and forgiveness. In time I began learning about the body’s energy centres, also known as ‘Chakras’ and committed myself to learning how to heal myself using my crystals, pendulums and nothing but the palm of my hands. I started learning about the collective consciousness rising, human spirituality and our intuitive human birth rights. I read and learned so much that I finally began to feel inspired and excited about life again. I immersed myself in yoga, and naturally expanded my physical practice to encompass breath work and deep meditation. Synchronicities sent me off on a journey seeking out spiritual teachers, advisors and energy healers. I asked questions about life and learned about past lives and reincarnation. For a moment, I felt like I was Jim Carrey in The Truman Show. This is a movie where he navigates life’s journey from ignorance to enlightenment. A veil slowly started lifting from my eyes and I was seeing the sunshine for the first time. Everything from the way I dressed to the music I listened to rapidly changed. I had slowly started to rid myself of old habits, things and ideas that no longer served me or my higher purpose. The heaviness I had been carrying all those years was slipping away and my wounded heart was on the mend. I could feel it.


At the end of June 2023, I flew out to Los Angeles and participated in a 3 day course with Sadhguru, an Indian yogi, mystic and spiritual leader. There I learned a combination of ancient yoga methods and tools used to help address every aspect of human wellbeing. Upon my return home, I dedicated myself to the practice and within a few short days, I could feel the positive benefits of the practice both physically and mentally. Now in a positive headspace, my interest in Kundalini spiked and I was drawn in, listening and re-listening to podcast after podcast. In the process, I found a Kundalini Awakening support group and was surprised (and relieved) to see and meet people from all over the world having similar experiences. It felt good to be able to relate to so many people. It had been a while since I felt like I belonged. Finally, there were others who understood.


It was sometime towards the end of 2023 that I realized I had been going through or had gone through a Kundalini Awakening. I’m not sure what prompted me to ask the question but I suppose I could have seen something on one of my social media feeds or heard it in a podcast I had been listening to. I reached out to an energy healer and intuitive guide who had been helping me over the past several months. She once helped heal me by locating and tracing major energetic blockages within my Chakras (energy centres). After my session with her, the pain I was experiencing subsided in just over 24 hours. It took a few weeks to fully recover but the healing progressed so quickly I couldn’t help but immediately feel better. To give you some context, a year or so prior, I started getting severe heartburn. I assumed it was stress related except it never went away. It was so bad I started drinking Pepto-Bismol right out of the bottle. The pain became chronic and I suffered immensely. I assumed I had an ulcer or worse, cancer. After multiple tests, nothing was ever found other than the unexplained swelling at the bottom of my esophagus. My doctor and her team of professionals did not have an answer for me. Instead, I was handed a repeat prescription and was told to call back in a few weeks if the pain persisted.


Going back to my original point, I had booked an appointment to see my energy healer to ask her if I had gone through a Kundalini Awakening. Within a few short minutes of her intuitively and spiritually connecting with me, she was able to confirm that I most definitely had. She explained the awakening process, what can trigger these types of awakenings, what triggered mine and what happens as the Kundalini Shakti energy rises from its coiled dormant state. I finally understood. Everything I had been going through was all just part of the process and it was a relief to finally have answers to all the madness.


Now, with a new outlook on the future, it didn't take to long before I started re-asking the questions.


Who am I? Why am I here? What is my soul’s purpose?


With intent, I listened carefully to my heart. Effortlessly the answers became clear.


At the core of my very being, I acknowledge myself as a spiritual entity navigating the human experience. The profound purpose of my soul is to embrace joy in this lifetime and illuminate the lives of those around me with happiness and positive energy. I entered this world as a cycle breaker, destined to free not only myself but also my children and ancestors from the confines of narrow-minded ideologies that disrupt the simplicity and beauty of life. I stand as a guiding light, ready to assist others on their journey of self-healing. Now, I seize this moment to unfurl my wings and allow my authentic self to radiate


and so it begins…


Love and Light,

Stasia

 

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